The National Rep's Prayer

Grant Me, O Lord, the genius to explain to my fellow members the policies and plans of our great Union, even though no one explains them to me.

Give me the understanding that I may forgive the apathetic member, curb the over-ambitious and accept the views of the member who does nothing until I have done something and then tells me how I should have done it.

O Lord, make me formidable in debate, logical in argument, fearless in confrontation. A lawyer, actor, mathematician, sage, philosopher, sociologist and economist; pleasing, cajoling, threatening, belabouring so that I may make the best of a good case and a good case from no case at all.

Teach me, O Lord, to stand at all times with both feet firmly on the ground – even when I haven’t a leg to stand on.

[added] Grant me the patience to flatter, pander, and support our great leaders, to put words in their mouths and strategies in their heads that they may shine for our members. And remind me always, oh lord, of your greatest blessing - that I have job security while they do not. (Anonymous).

Lord, I am a National Rep. In your infinite wisdom, see my need for all these things and in your mercy, grant them to me.

And, when I have them, Lord – MOVE OVER! 

[If you have any additional verses you would like to suggest, please leave them as comments here or, if you wish to remain anonymous, e-mail them to derek.blackadder@gmail.com]

With thanks to Sister Stringer...